Well...it's a boy. When the ultra sound tech gave us the news I'm afraid I wasn't able to hide my devastation. This was exacerbated by having Sam and Mary Kay (Carey's parents) in the room. Not that they did anything in particular, I just couldn't be honest. Also, his thing was barely visible. Not like his cousin Silas'. The other day my sister Wendy emailed us the ultra sound showing no doubts about what sex Silas was. It literally looked like a third leg! I hope this is just a late-bloomer situation... Anyway, Carey finally had to explain to her parents that I had really wanted a girl. I was in a gloom. When the parents left the room so Carey could dress, I let slip that I didn't feel like I had a clue on how to father a son. Having a daughter seems more natural to me for some reason. My whole life I've been part of the girl-crazy club. Fascinated by this mysterious sex. I guess I've always felt a little uncomfortable around males. Most of them anyway. Not the gays, though. I feel fine around them. I'll have to further investigate this issue...
On the way to lunch afterward Carey's mom called her sister (the one who predicted a boy by the threaded needle test) to share the good news. I texted my sister and she called back half a second later. She just happened to be at my parent's house so I got to tell them as well. They were actually ecstatic. I thought they'd be bored by now this being grandkid number four and all. We weren't sure if we were going to announce the name now that we had the sex. All of a sudden Carey had cold feet about our name choice. This was a surprise to me. I thought we were decided. We ended up telling her parents. Mary Kay had never heard of it before. Judah. Sam was familiar, it being a Hebrew character from the Old Testament and all. Judah was the 4th son of Jacob. The tribe of Judah. Lion of Judah. But this isn't where or why we chose the name. Carey and I just both thought it sounded cool. Rock and roll. And fairly unique. I mean there's Judah Ben-Hur, but most people don't remember the Judah part from the Charlton Heston movie. There's Judah Freidlander the scruffy, freaky guy from 30 Rock, but again, most people aren't interested in TV side character actor's real names. The fact that it is uncommon has a great appeal to us too. Judah Samuel Wagler sounds mighty Jewish. Judah is a strong sounding word, though. Plus, I can go, "Who da man? Judah man!" I ended up calling my parents back and telling them. Of course my dad loved the name because of the Biblical reference. I knew he would. Judah means "praised one". Still, I really had my heart set on a girl.
My disappointment over the last few days eventually began to worry Carey. It was just that people were totally saying the wrong things. Like Carey's parents talked about how now that it's a boy I could have a bandmate. Why not a girl bandmate? And I got a text from a friend that was really kind but... well, here's what it said "Having a son is amazing. I am really, very, sincerely happy for both of you. But the world needs more boys with smart, aware, and capable fathers, so I'm doubly happy for you and (my son's) generation." This friend is an exceptional father. He's definitely of the male feminist persuasion. And his son is already handsome and very smart. The text was a complimentary message to me but... would he have written that if it was a girl? Is it because we are stuck living in a patriarchy already and that we need males that are not sexist, homophobic, bigots who are multiculturally aware more than girls that are strong individuals who could also be fine examples? I don't know. And then there's all this boy's colors and girl's colors for baby clothes and crib blankets. All that conventional genderizing bullshit gets under my skin. And I know people aren't trying to be sexist, but really most are stuck in traditional, inaccurate views of who people are inside and what defines gender. Let the boy wear pink. I wear pink shirts. I don't give a damn. Let strangers on the street get his sex wrong. Who gives a fuck? And why am I in such a nasty mood? Carey needed reassurance that I was going to love our baby even though it's a boy. Sure I'm bummed that we are having a boy just like five couple friends already have before us, but going into this, I knew there were no guarantees. I even said out loud that there's always next time to get a girl. Maybe it's for the better because I could identify with her as being the youngest like myself. I like the name Judah and I like calling him Judah and he's still my kid, right? I think I'm mellowing out already. Carey even said she was going to stop trying to convince me and just let me process. That's what I need. It is exciting to know the sex. It makes it that much more real. We can use accurate pronouns and say his name in conversation. Carey is a little freaked out by it being a boy for completely different reasons. She thinks it's bizarre that there is a penis growing inside of her. I've refrained from the obvious bit about it not being the first time... She even wrote it on her Facebook, "Carey Goldenberg has a penis growing inside her....weird! Its a BOY!!!"
In other news, Carey is definitely showing signs of having the typical hormonal moods. The other night while cooking and watching the opening ceremonies to the winter Olympics on the Internet, she couldn't keep from weeping. All she could squeak out between sobs was, "I'm just so proud of Canada."
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