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[December 10, 2009]

Not really much happening these days, actually. We had the second Ultrasound the other day from Dr. Cricket Davenport. That is her real name! It's like, "Paging Dr. Grasshopper Sofa-couch. Paging Dr. Grasshopper Sofa-couch." The baby's size was exactly where it should be - 8 weeks and 1 day. The printed picture sucked, though. Barely see anything. But watching the real time moving image on the monitor was pretty cool. The baby has a bigger head now and the heart pixels were moving at a healthy speed. This was at least encouraging as this baby has lasted longer than its predecessor. Carey's sickness is mellowing out. She's thrown-up a few times and gagged a lot and still thinks all meat stinks to high heaven. But she hasn't had to leave the room lately while I'm cooking.

Physical intimacy is at a bare minimum. Like once in the last month. But I feel like I've adjusted. Thanksgiving we had a go at it, but my uh...physicality refused to cooperate. It was psychological. Something about Carey's admitted fear to the doctor about damaging the baby through sex coupled with the delicacy of the fact that the previous pregnancy did not last very long just gummed up the works. We talked it out. I got frustrated, pouted, got mad, became embarrassed and then got over it and the next time (the only time) it worked like a charm! Carey has decided Judah is the best boy's name. Judah Samuel Wagler. It sounds a little Zionist to me. Like an extreme Israeli nationalist's name. I have a feeling she is scheming to relentlessly bring it up until I cave. Not this time. I still like Dean and I'm hoping it's a girl.

A co-worker friend of mine pointed something out about me recently. It seems like all my life I've been going against being a grown-up. Not adult. That's not what I'm saying. I love adult things (if you catch my drift). No I'm talking about being a grown-up. Oh, I'm still anti-grown up, don't get me wrong. But all the pressing down against societal norms has caught up to me. It turns out that in this year, 2009, I have become a full-fledged grown-up and barely even knew it was happening. I finished grad school two days ago from which I will embark on a career (a word I still shiver at). I will be part of a profession (a professional, they call them) and not the supportive staff for the first time in my life. A librarian. That sounds grown-up to me. Then, in October we bought a house. Mortgage definitely sounds grown up. And now you throw in the prospect of parenthood and damnnit! I am a grown up. No going back now. This, as they say, is the beginning of the end...of being cool. The best a parent can get in the eyes of their children is fleeting moments of cool, but then again, that is mostly ironic. I will try to not embarrass my teen-aged children, but nature makes all parents unequivocally uncool to their offspring. Bummer.