Carey woke me up on purpose this morning. Usually it's by accident, or so she tells me. She is notorious for making a bunch of noise in the morning: her business cell phone will ring and/or she'll yell at somebody (usually a health insurance company rep) for their incompetence or she'll forget I'm sound asleep on my side of the bed and sit on my legs in order to pull her pants on. I've actually made peace with this inconsiderate behavior. It took five years to get to this point, mind you. But this morning while I was sound asleep she stuck a white plastic stick right in my face. My reaction of course was alarm followed by frightened hostility. After my eyes adjusted, I saw that the first response pregnancy test had a little LCD screen that said "yes+". After I was awake enough to understand what was going on I knew exactly what to do and did the right thing. I thoroughly dismissed it.
"It's like what, only 58% accurate?"
"No, that's how many people have the pregnancy hormone in their urine."
Urine. Do I really trust what pee has to say? The answer is no. It reminds me of those "doctors" of yore who ripped open a chicken and predicted people's future based on the splayed arrangement of the intestines. Carey believes in pee, however.
And as an excellent example of how she roles, she emailed her physician, set up a pregnancy test at the doctors and 15 minutes later called me from there to see if I wanted to wait with her for the results. I was in the shower when she rang and then texted. We thought they'd take a blood test, a more reliable source of information, I thought. But nope. Turns out doctors believe in the mystical messages prophesied by pee. Carey came home with a piece of paper and a huge smile. The paper read, "Your pregnancy test results are positive. This means that you are pregnant." I knew it! I told her this would be no sweat. I explained that she's as fertile as they come and I'm super virile, so... And all that doubt about how my junk might not work? Ha! I'm a fucking champ! Literally. And I'm convinced I know when ____* was conceived.Carey was fuzzy on the start and end date of her menstruation. She kept saying she has a 32 day cycle or whatever. So I guess there's a five day window when ovulation occurs and insemination is possible? To increase our chances, we hit it 12 days consecutively. Well, two days in there we rested...to heal. Two of the times ended up being a lot of work including minor unwanted hurting and difficulty (but success!) making it to the pop. Other than that it was very enjoyable. The last day of the marathon was a Sunday. The Glasses had just played a rockin' show at the Fremont Festival (summer solstice). That afternoon we did the massage and make love action without being in a hurry. The slow ride, if you will. It was hot. However, that wasn't the time I think it happened. That same night, after an hour of being asleep I half woke up in the throes of aggro sex. Usually this happens when it's, ahem, been awhile. The following morning I figured maybe it was her pheromones enticing me subconsciously in the middle of the night to impregnate her.
I must say I'm surprised at how thrilled I was at the news this morning. While eating breakfast and making my lunch I put on a few happy summer tunes that I'd been listening to on repeat as of late. Cortney Tidwell's "Don't Let the Stars..." dance club remix followed by Shiny Toy Guns car commercial cover of "Major Tom". Then I put on The Nightgowns "Animal Sounds".
I'm trying to not be too excited in light of the fact that this is so early in the pregnancy. It might not stick. But I'm hopeful even though I know better. My experience is that hope is just a set up for devastating disappointment. Still, that's in the back of my mind. It's pretty cool.
Michael Jackson died today at the age of 50.
*super secret name that under light of the current situation cannot be revealed...
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